The Freedom in Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the only way to free ourselves from the pain, disappointment, and anger that we develop when we get hurt. By taking the path of forgiveness, we gradually let go of our resentment, lift heavy weight from our heart, and initiate the process of healing. The course of forgiveness is a continuous and long journey. However, full recovery may never be achieved, and we will most likely remain emotionally sensitive to the pain we have experienced. Our need for revenge keeps us stuck in the past, but forgiveness frees us to live in the present and move forward into the future. Yet, it is important that we remember the lessons we have learned from our painful experience. We must not hold back our feelings and emotions from ourselves or others. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily imply reconciliation. It only means that we allow ourselves not to be haunted by the suffering of the past.
Lily Tomlin phrased it well: “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.” Because we must accept the past, it is difficult to forgive. Even if the person towards whom we feel resentment is no longer around, we can still find a way to forgive and free us from the hard feelings. Sometimes it is easier to talk about the distressing situation with an unrelated person in a safe environment and explore our true feelings and deepest thoughts. Only then will we be able to resolve our pain.
Therefore, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It enables us to gain peace of mind and contentment, makes room for positive feelings, and opens the door for new possibilities.
“Forgiveness is the highest form of forgetting because it is forgetting in spite of remembering.”
– Paul Tillich
Estee Goren, M.A., is a Marriage & Family Therapist (MFC 50146) working with teens, adults and couples. She is specializing in relationships issues, life transitions, serious illnesses, and grief. Her goal is to help others gain a new perspective, overcome personal challenges, improve their overall well-being, and pursue personal development.
