Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling

Couple Counseling

Couples Counseling

Relationship counseling is my specialty and my passion. My mission is to help couples and individuals resolve their difficulties, improve their relationships, and recreate the joy and connection they experienced when they first met.

Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling

Helping partners give and receive love, gain feelings of intimacy and trust, and transform their relationships to a joyful and fulfilling journey.

Our intimate relationships provide us with a sense of balance, peace, and emotional wellbeing. If these are compromised, it might have a negative impact on every part of our lives.

Having a high conflict relationship can be emotionally draining. It may cause both partners feelings of rejection and loneliness. Living in an unhappy relationship may lead to depression, anxiety, or addiction. Children that grow up in such an environment may become distressed or even engage in self destructive activities.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Estee Goren, M.A., MFT

Professional Therapist

Couples therapy is not about trying to change our partner but learning how to better understand, respect, and appreciate their perspective and feelings. It is about stopping the blame, the criticism, and the repeating painful dysfunctional pattern that leads to unhappiness and divorce.

When we are truly able to hear our spouse, feelings of anger and frustration will fade away and feelings of love, trust and intimacy will emerge.

It is possible for you and your partner to overcome many relationship challenges of resentment, frustration, and withdrawal, restore your love to each other and create the relationship you wish. As your relationship therapist I will also address the importance of physical and emotional need for intimacy.

The goal is not only to resolve problems, but to get to the heart of the matter, gain clarity about the challenges in the relationship, and take action to create a relationship you want.

“A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other guardian of his solitude.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke

Most common challenges couples experience:

They argue about the same few things over and over without getting anywhere.
They don’t talk to each other the way they used to.
They get defensive and critical.
They don’t feel heard.
They feel like roommates or business partners with very little romance or intimacy.
They avoid conflict.
There has been infidelity

When to seek help

When it has become increasingly difficult to talk to each other.
You cannot agree on anything and are constantly bickering and arguing.
It is difficult to trust each other.
You no longer have any warmth or closeness in your relationship.
You are concerned about the impact that your relationship is having on your children.

“If anything isn’t good for both spouses, then it isn’t good for either one of them.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke

My Approach

I specialize in helping couples go through difficult times and create trusting, supporting, and nurturing relationship that increases their overall well-being.

In relationship counseling each of you will:

Gain insight about yourself and the nature of your relationship

Work on yourselves first and strengthen your positive attitude and let go of ineffective responses

Recognize changes you can make yourself that will promote satisfaction in your life and relationship

Identify feelings and needs and learn to express them constructively without finger pointing or withdrawing

Learn how to better understand, respect, and appreciate your partner’s perspectives and feelings

Learn to take responsibility of our contribution to some problems

Recognize that you can improve what you do before your partner is able to stop his defensive and controlling behavior

Learn to think, feel, and act more constructively when difficulties arise

Accept that you are the only one who is responsible for what you feel, think, and do

Respect the other, accept the differences, and give each other space to develop his/her uniqueness

And through couples counseling both of you will:

Being our best version of self in a relationship is to constantly hold the question in our mind: how can I be a better spouse in a way that my significant other needs me to be?

The outcome

As a result of our work together you will:

Feel heard, understood and appreciated
Find resolution to “same old problems”
Be best friends and experience emotional connection
Gain trust and belief in the relationship
Feel that you are on the same team
Feel appreciated by each other
Feel that you are important and a priority to your partner
Feel that you are accepted for who you are

A good marriage is a marriage in which each spouse is primarily committed to the other’s happiness and wellbeing.

Gottman’s 7 Principles of Lasting Relationships

1. Building Love Maps

This principle involves getting to know each other’s world – past, present, and future dreams and goals. There is always more to learn about each other if you keep an open mind. Knowing the deepest aspects of each other’s inner world builds a stronger connection.

2. Expressing Fondness and Admiration

Couples in healthy relationships express affection and appreciation for each other. Showing respect and fondness for one another is essential for a happy relationship.

3. Turn Toward One Another

Couples who regularly show that they value each other have more loving and lasting relationships. They do little things for each other – a phone call during the day, a surprise dinner, supporting one another when one partner has had a bad day, etc.

4. Accept Influence

Happy couples influence each other’s dreams and goals. They involve each other in decisions that each need to make for themselves and the relationship.

5. Solve Solvable Problems

Couples in thriving relationships use compromise to solve solvable differences. Solvable problems are typically situational, not the ones that crop up continuously and have underlying conflict.

6. Manage Conflict and Overcome Gridlock

Unlike solvable problems, perpetual problems are those that reoccur over and over where couples become stuck. Unfulfilled dreams are often at the root of reoccurring issues. To overcome gridlock, couples need to discuss their dreams with one another respectfully.

7. Create Shared Meaning

Healthy couples create shared meaning and purpose in their lives together. They are enriched by each other’s lives and what each brings to the relationship.

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”

- Tom Robbins

Affair Recovery

An affair is a secret emotional and/or sexual relationship a person has outside of a committed relationship, either in person, by telephone, or online.

About one third of infidelities result in divorce. Very few couples dealing with an affair develop a thriving relationship without outside help. It will take time to rebuild the broken trust; the recovery process may be long and painful, but it can be successful if both partners are fully committed to it.

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”

- Tom Robbins

Premarital counseling

Premarital counseling is a type of therapy that helps couples prepare for their marriage. It provides a strong foundation for a healthy long-lasting relationship – giving you a better chance for a stable and satisfying marriage. Pre-marriage counseling can also help you identify areas that could become challenging during the marriage.

Being pro-active and planning for the future is one of the most important things couples can do. It is vital to the success of your relationship. It is much better to have the tough and truthful discussions about your expectations before you get married, not after.

The most important thing a couple can do is to discuss their core values and priorities in life. They have to be aware of their differences in order to identify potential conflicts. In addition, there are six main areas of conversations a couple needs to have before getting married and throughout the marriage:

“The joy that isn't shared dies young.”

- Anne Sexton

Premarital counseling would allow you to openly discuss these critical topics and make sure you reduce the chance of potential obstacles and disagreements down the road.

Cultural Issues

Race, ethnicity and religion play a big part in shaping how we experience life. Our background and culture affect how we view ourselves, our spouse, and our marriage. It affects our family values, how we perceive gender roles, how we interact with in-laws, and our relationships with our kids.

As a therapist I have extensive experience working with couples and individuals who came from different origins.

“Once we understand and appreciate other people’s cultural background, then we can also Connect with them more.”

Learning to Listen to Your Loved Ones

Often when we are listening to someone else, we are already formulating our answer, determining our opinion or worrying about how this news might impact us. Many people today are much better at talking than they are at truly listening. When we genuinely listen to someone else, we show that we are truly interested in the other person and their thoughts, ideas and well-being. Listening means paying attention, focusing on someone else and devoting time to the mere act of listening. Listening comes from a sense of curiosity, interest and willingness to explore the world with another human being. It is much different from simply hearing the words that another person speaks – listening is active, honest and empathetic.

Couple Counseling

Couples Counseling